I'm awake. I was ready for bed at 11:30, but I think I'm afraid I'll miss something if I turn off the computer and go to sleep. I'm not sure what exactly.

I couldn't be a doctor. I might save somebody's life and give myself a heart attack in the process. My CVS repository works remotely. I saw the email where the professor's colleague told me my solution had worked and my heart leapt into my ribs. It still feels all adrenaline-y. Haha, wooooooot!

Just a quick one, I need sleep.

I skated home today after working late and I was taking off my skates by the supermarket bus stop and this truck driver drove up stopped at the light and smiled and nodded and waved at me and I smiled and waved back and then when the light changed he tooted his horn and nodded again and I nodded and he drove away. It made me feel very good. :)

Also, Insha'Allah, I'm going to do this martial arts class at Dar us Salaam, if they have room and I can afford it and I get in in time and the class at GWU. I should be busy in the Fall, hopefully.

3 consecutive days skated (Tues, Wed, Thur).
2 consecutive days yoga, full Bikram (Tues, Wed) and 1 day (today) just skating stretches afterwards.

Bedtime. Salaams.

I need to go to bed, but I'm still lucid, if overly energized. (I'm not crazy, just have more and less insane moments sometimes, most people do. I think. Maybe. THEY DO.)

So, the people I want to know don't care if I'm not the exact same age as them. I think. I'm going to bed now. I had something profound-ish to say, but I think I might be tired. That is a wonderful thing, considering I haven't been able to sleep at night lately.

I went skating today. Whee.


1 day skated
76 days until NYC.

I'm up today, and momentarily not tooo up, so I can be rational and balanced for a moment:

I might not get the chance ever again to do what I've done with my so-called "wasted" years. We might not have a business again and working in it was great. I liked it, I made money. Yes, I was inexperienced and there were probably people laughing at me, but sometimes and in some ongoing situations, I got it right. I loved riding and I want to get back into it sometime. I found out about not letting people hurt me just because, even if I didn't find out in time to rescue that particular situation.

I can, and did, even with "no money and no job (Alhamdullilah)", go back to school whenever. There are always colleges, but I think if I had missed being poor and living in a ramshackle house (not very ramshackle, but still, ramshackle) and playing Monopoly and being happy despite being broke and ramshackle house-dwelling, I'd be poorer for it. (Good luck deciphering that sentence, haha.) :D

Anyway,
A moment of lucidity.

I'm slightly serious there: I vacillate between happy happy and talking to myself and cheerful bundle of energy and zomg, Eeyore. Actually, no, when I don't eat/sleep/drink water, I become zomg Eeyore. The rest of the time I think I'm usually pleasant or uberpleasant.

Off to skate. I need to do something successful, so I can start the Fall on the right footing.

76 days until the NYC Skate Marathon.
0 consecutive days skated/planned days off

Everybody I know would like my sister better than me. The guild would like her. She would belong. If I don't talk, I can't ever be better than peripheral. If I do, nobody's going to want me. I'm tired. This is exactly how it was in NY, except then I was still young enough to have belonged somewhere. I am never going to belong anywhere. And if I do, which I won't, I'll just ruin it. They'll just stop talking to me until I go away. And there won't be anyone else. And then I won't even be able to pretend.

I think I'm not going to go home for a while. I don't sleep. I don't want to do anything. My guild isn't speaking to me and there isn't anyone else, nor is there likely to be. Not that it matters, since apparently I attack people if it seems like they're attacking me in the slightest, except that they aren't. I give up.

I like birds, but once in a while some genius specimen perches outside my window where he or she chirps like a lunatic until I scream/mutter "Will you shut up or go somewhere?!"

Also, I had to smash a wolf spider on my wall. It was nasty. Nasty.

I had an idea to make baby hats over the summer and sell them at Eastern Market in DC just before the weather gets cold. We'll see.

Maybe I'll go see Wall-e tonight. I've heard it's good.

Plus, if I go to the skate tonight, they're going drinking after the fireworks and I could go to the movie. I don't know if I want to have to make travelling Maghrib though. I wouldn't get home until well, well after dark.

I woke up on time this morning. :D I went to bed at 11 something last night. Early 11 something.

This morning, I was supposed to go skate the W&OD trail in VA with warskaters, but I am temporally challenged and wouldn't have made my train and, more importantly, it was raining when I went to leave. I didn't feel like being damp, so I turned around and went back inside, because I can do that when I feel like it. :)

There's another skate tonight that I might do. Or, maybe I'll go out to the Smithsonian. Or, maybe I'll lie on my bed and read all day. I don't know.

I need to get this whole make myself an athlete again thing going though. I haven't started yet. I'm 4 days behind as of today.

Oh well, I think I'm going out. I should eat something first.

Maybe I'll go see the dinosaurs at the Smithsonian.

I'm failing at the not talking thing. Yeah....
But, not this badly:
sophistication fail

Experiment time: No negative posts for a week. Also, no posts on my guild forums unless in response to a post specifically directed at me for a week. And, no talking in guild chat for a week based on the same condition as the forums. Same for vent. Let's see. I need to go to bed NOW. NOW. NOW.

I have to run and do yoga tomorrow and still get a shower and get to work on time. gogogogogogo BED NOW.

Oh yeah, somebody in my guild said I'm weird. Weird because I post about jumping naked chickens when I can't sleep. (They know how I look.) Thing is, I can live with that. :D

Seriously??

Some girl just walked past me, no veil, no salaam. Then she prayed in the corner behind me: I'm sitting in a little room like an alcove off the hallway. Then she tucked her veil back in her bag and left, walking past me again. No salaam. I roll my eyes. I roll them. They hurt, I roll them so much.

Still rolling them.

Rule #7: A look is a look is a look. Don't let the turkeys get you down.
Profanity warning. I'm apparently in a mood. :-/

It's funny, but not really, when you're Muslim and you walk past another Muslim, especially if they're trying to EXIST. I'm also trying to exist, but in a different way and my sweaty, running-in-a-dress self is not compatible with impeccable Rabiah (for example) in her tailored, I'm-covering-because-I-have-to-but-I'm-also-cool duds. And yes, I am hatin'. I'm tired of having to glance out of the corner of my eye when I see a headscarf because I can't speak if I think she's going to leave me hangin'.

Muslims: How often have you seen the Jewish kids on this campus saying hey to each other? Anybody that would think less of you for giving me a salaam, DOESN'T LIKE YOU ANYWAY.

Oh, and sorority/fraternity people: BITE ME, all of you, especially if you think you're somehow better than me because your legs are visible and mine aren't. And granted, I don't know any of you, maybe when you stare at me at the gym it's not because you're an insulated bitch/asshole who hasn't ever been anywhere or seen anything or anyone that wasn't exactly like you OR exactly like the idiot media said it would be.

News flash: Muslim women are not all fucking oppressed. Not all of us have brothers and fathers who want to kill us. That honor is on the women bullshit was supposed to be eradicated by Islam. How much sense does it make to raise your daughter as one thing and then kill her when that's what she is??

I didn't think I was in a particular mood. I guess I am. Fin.


Done.