Rule #2: I don't really know.

I don't have a rule today. I should be asleep, but I'm crying instead because I'm lonely and I'm depressed. I still have one math test to take, but it's trig, which I'm not terrible at after a couple days last week studying it. Hopefully, in the morning, assuming I'm not terribly tired.

It hurts to think that I will never be the same as anybody. I would have had to come straight back from The Gambia and go to college and I didn't. I'm tired. I'm tired of vacillating. Tired of not having any friends, tired of not knowing what I would do if I did have any friends. I want to be something else. I'm tired. What's the point? You look at all these Muslims: the ones in jeans, the ones in Egypt, being messed with by Egyptians, and what's the point. I'm tired.

I won't ever be the same as anybody and if I am, it won't be a positive thing. I'm tired of nothing being enough. I'm tired of not being able to appreciate anything. I'm tired and I'm so lonely. I'm going to hate my children. Hate them for not having to be me. My husband too. Hate him.